Mind over heart,
are you a retard?
Peers over love,
your priorities are seriously fucked.
You went out,
with someone.
A Casanova,
out of everyone.
You won,
by enchanting him.
Bastard changed,
fell in love; even if chances seemed dim.
Gave up everything,
poor guy did.
You loved too;
does that put a lid.
You loved him;
that you say.
True love never ends;
in that he believes.
You taught him;
what love is?
You showed him,
all the feelings it brings.
He was a cracker.
Love, for him was a myth.
You prove its existence,
above all, he felt its essence.
Now you don’t
feel anything.
As your lover,
he believes and trusts everything.
You call him,
sick and a liar.
It pains him,
but is happy to accept,
if that’s your desire.
You misunderstood him,
his feelings.
You found him guilty,
in whatever he said or did.
He tried but failed to reason.
You asked him to let go,
to leave you, and he did.
Not for any other reason,
but just that your smile,
is more important than anything.
You still believe,
he is/was wrong.
He accepts his mistakes,
and more.
For you are his Goddess,
and your happiness matters more.
He let you go then,
i leave you here,
i leave you now;
If you read this,
then do think who here lost what,
20 comments:
I Just want to say
E.L.E.G.A.N.C.E of Passion :)
The flow and the deepness, both of them worked out one on each other :)
mujhe rona arha h.........
Woah woah wwoah !! Awesomely awesome !! very beautifully u have depicted out ur emotions !!
A good one after a long time. Very predictable to me though but I liked it :P
Sad Sad love story :(
Wah wah... achcha hai :) bahot achcha hai :)
chintu... tu kutta hai... tu kamina hai/......
and tu jitni galiya janta hai vo sab tere ko meri taraf se gift[:)]
:) quite feelingsome..frustration..anger..love..a mix of evrything :)
nice bolu ki sad bolu :(
awesome......great....have no words for it buddy.....but unlucky is the gal who made this happen........
pretty neat !! ..but i still believe the best is yet to come !!
Unrequited loves makes for best poetry !! Loved it.
chinks u r awesome!!! n i feel i knw this guy...bt really u did a commendable job i seriously appreciate your art of playing with words...keep it up bro!!!
Saale...Theek to hai...
Hope u love food just as mush as I like ur poems...i write about recipes at my blog... but love ur writing style:)...I would love to follow u if u r a fan of food :)
Well, I know I'm just rushing into your blog, but...and there's always a but, you need help, even if I set apart the "idea" that drove the poem.
Let me just focus on the grammatical errors first.
a) Stop using a capital letter for each line; every capital letter hints a new thought- so abstain from it, unless there is a new thought.
b)Try to make it a poem- be more vivid. Use metaphors and more adjectives. Make the imagery stronger.
c) The punctuation is seriously off. You've popped in full-stops in the oddest of places, they really cut the flow and meaning. Try using a semicolon (;) or "dash"(-) instead of so many full-stops.
d)The errors:-
"You too loved,
Does that put a lid."
- Shouldn't it be
"You loved too,
does that put a lid?"
...?
You loved him,
You say.
Love never ends,
He believes.
How about-
You loved him,
you say;
love never ends-
he believes.
...?
(Similarly, check the other stanzas once)
But is happy to accept,
If that’s your desire.
Shouldn't it be-
But he's happy to accept,
if that’s your desire.
...?
And your happiness matter more.
- *matters* more, you mean?
And who the real looser is???
*loser*, you mean?
And what are the tripple question marks for?
e) Besides this, the language is off, immensely. Kindly re-read and edit!
Keep writing though. If you work hard enough, I'm sure you'll get there.
Kudos!
Thanks Carrisima...[:D]
atleast u noticed all those mistakes I made while transferring this from word document to net[:d]
Didn't even edit... coz.... I am a bit lazy... will do it soon[;)]
Thankss for the help.
Realy nice.
i appreciate it..
http://myfundoo-blog.blogspot.com/
Really good one.... now get over with it boy !!
Post a Comment